It was supposed to be a good morning. Afterall, I have finally found a reason to wear a smile all day.
Last Saturday, after Glenn ditched our meeting at the mall to shop for his makeover clothes, Denden and I trooped down Cinema 7 to watch the so-called phenomenal movie of Philippine cinema, accolade-dripping Moments of Love. And with pride and dignity, I admit that i do watch Tagalog flicks but I limit myself only to those socially-relevant and/or praiseworthy films that spell out S-E-N-S-E, and not those who boast of Art when Art is being downgraded by the mediocrity of the story. Ok, ok, I did watch I Will Always Love You, Don't Give up on Us, and Close to You last month, but it was just for the heck of it. I usually watch those kilig-crazy feel-good cheesy movies when I am depressed or not in the mood for deeper thoughts. Yes, I did find both movies too sentimental and unintentionally irritating because of its overrated formula of kiss and make up and the all-too familiar happily ever after endings.
But after i watched Moments of Love, I quickly dropped it out of the poor quality genre and marveled how the local movie industry has taken a surprising upsurge.Well even my kuya, who usually finds tagalog flicks too tacky, raves about it.
And I, the ever dependable viewer of Filipino films, can't get over it much the same way as I can't get over Ang Babae sa Breakwater by Mario O' Hara . Even now when I remember the latter , to set a side for a moment the social relevance of the film, I feel lucky that I have a roof on my head and enough water to drink and take a bath with. It's a simple realization in life brought about by a film that makes it meaningful.
I've also added in my collection, Sigaw, the movie who recently reaped the Orbit Award at the 24th Brussels International Festival of Fantastic Film. I still have to check on a vcd or dvd copy (whichever is available) of Filipinas, Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Nasaan si Francis ( I watched it on the big theater again with Den, my constant movie date and was saddened at the realization that people did not clamor over it (there were only about 20 seats occupied) unlike the less sensible kilig flicks when it was so artistically made, so uncontrollably funny...sigh... but that's another story), films of Lino Brocka, Yam Laranas, Joel Lamangan, to name a few. Of course, I watch international movies as well and as long as it's not a comedy (which always fail to amuse me) or cartoons ( I feel like I have already outgrown it), you can drag me along.
And so, in my not-so-exquisite collection I have Y Tu Mama Tambien (the ultimate roadtrip which reminds me tha t if I find msyelf at 30 and still unattached, I might try doing one), A Walk to Remember (sigh, my favorite), The Doll Master (the dolls are beautiful), Brokeback Mountain (haven't watched it yet), Message in the Bottle (isn't it obvious that I am a Nicholas Sparks fanatic?), The Crime of Padre Amaro (a definite eye opener) etc and soon, The Notebook ( a confirmation that I am, I guess), Dreams by Akira Kurosawa (that is if i can find one), The Killing Fields, Titanic (just for my collection), Hotel Rwanda ( I cried while watching this film and because ours was a pirated copy I was not able to finish it much to my dismay), Somewhere In Time, Memoirs of a Geisha and Moments of Love.
Going back to the original plot of this article, Moments of Love is not your typical Pinoy love story, although the story itself is not entirely original either. But it was the way the movie was creatively shot, in a breathtakingly beautiful scenery that made me want to scream proudly, 'Sa Pilipinas yan!' and the stand-out performances of Iza Calzado and Ms. Gloria Romero that moved me into longing and more longing long after the film is done. It was the ultimate lesson of waiting that had me spellbound.
Suddenly, my fascination of waiting for The One welled up inside me and somehow, it shook my doubts away and i decided, right then and there, that I will wait for him no matter what. A friend, Gio, countered however , 'What if you are waiting for the one who does not exist?'
For a while, it made me think. Have I been too ideal? And I run down in my head the list of the qualifications i wrote down before and decided to trash it. Afterall, most of the time, the person that one ends up with is the one who usually defies all qualifications. And after my almost five years of waiting and a boxfull of letters waiting to be read, I know I am capable of waiting a tad more. And waiting is a talent I am so good at.
But not until this morning when i woke up with a large smile on my face, morning breath and all, renewed by my newfound perspective in love and felt as if I am ready to conquer the world and all that jazz and then poof ! a text message from my sister who probably thought that I am still pining over El Musikero: Sis, hiwalay na daw si K nimo ug iyang asawa...Sniff! sniff! Is it enough to make me happy? How can I possibly celebrate over the demise of a relationship?
El Musikero is past tense period. I will never ruin the sanctity of marriage. I passed up on his invitation once to come to to CDO for a weekend getaway. K remains my favorite secret though a nd I am the only one who knew about our story or the lack thereof but I have already come to my senses and I willl never go out with a married guy and reduced myself to being his mistress. Get real.
And so, the smile on my face vanished in an instant. I did wait for El Musikero in my dreams but I already passed through that stage. Now I have resolved to wait, yes, not for him though this time, but for The One that God has so masterfully designed for me.
I know he will come. And when he does, we will finally have our moments of love.
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I just turned 25 and here are the twenty-five questions that I need to answer to maintain my sanity:
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? spill my feelings out for a guy I had a terrible crush with (and that also is to fulfill one of my new year's resolution, to do something weird...or so i thought ;)
2. What is your biggest achievement last year? that I was able to live independently again
3. What is your biggest failure? that i was not beside my sister's side again on her graduation (she got a master's degree in Public Ad)
3. How far did you go the past year? I likened myself to a mushroom and I can live anywhere...currently I am in Cebu after staying in Baguio, Pampanga, Nueva Ecija, Manila, Davao, etc for indefinite periods of time...the only vacation that I had last year was a two-day all-expense paid for by my aunt hiatus in Bohol with my cousins
4. Who is the most significant person you were able to meet last year? the other side of me
5. What song sums up your life in 2005? Splender's I Think God can Explain
6. Memorable film : Ang Babae sa Breakwater ni Mario O' Hara
7. Favorite mistake: pining over El Musikero
8. Favorite thing that you lost: my journal and along with it are the three months of my life
9. Favorite lesson: at the end of the day, what matters is you get your sanity back
10. Greatest secret crush: Jose Rizal
11. Favorite book : Yummah, a book by a Bahrain-based writer
12. Favorite moment : the day M said good night
13. What was the most remarkable thing you did for the first time? eat baked oysters ( conquering my dislike of seafoods and then i got my allergy)
14. Thing that you bought that you did not use : acoustic guitar ( I still have to sign up for more formal lessons)
15. What should you correct if given the opportunity? my favorite mistake
16. A line in a movie that seems to echo your thoughts: 'I wish I know how to quit you' -- Brokeback Mountain
17. A line in a song that echoes your thoughts: ' time just withers away stealing day after day the moon calls & night falls '- (goodbye beautiful day /beat and path)
18. In 2005, you will be always remembered as the : pink jhules (aaargh, and i want to get out of that pink shell desperately)
19. If you could travel back in time, where will you want to be? Baguio by the UP pond on summertime
20. How many times did you fell in love the past year? none but a lot of skirmishes in the flesh
21. Did you lose anybody close to you? I lost a chunk of myself when i had to leave Baguio
22. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? a lot but i don't remember lies, only confessions of forgiveness after a lie
23. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? when i texted El to confirm if indeed he had already gotten married and he did not reply...i shouldn't have texted him at all ...that was my last communication with him
24. Last thing you did before turning 25: blowing the candles off my pink guava cake because Gio, Den and our landlady woke me up for my birthday before the clock struck 12
25. How did you spend your birthday? I had four simple celebrations : march 27, with my kuya and his roommate over grilled pork belly and seafood soup, march 28, my actual birthday, with Den, Glenn and Gio, march 29-a spaghetti-donut dinner with my housemates, march 30- over ice cream with my teammates
